My Christian Testimony-How Jesus Changed My Life

What I am about to share is my personal story of how I found a real relationship with God. Let me begin by saying that the love and grace of Jesus changed my life, as you will soon see. I was headed for self-destruction, but thankfully this story ended with a testimony of God’s unconditional love and undeserving mercy. You will see that what I had was religion, and slowly, God brought me into a true, genuine relationship with Him. This is my Christian testimony on how Jesus changed my life.

Now it’s time to take a seat, grab a cup of coffee, and witness God’s incredible grace.

Story time

Childhood

Growing up, my grandma took my sister and me to church with her. She would pray with us and read the bible with us. But I never had a good understanding of the gospel or who Jesus even was. For a while, as a child, I thought my pastor was Jesus. I went to church because I had to, even though I much rather would have liked to sleep in. Looking back, I realize that what I had was religion, not a genuine relationship with God. I didn’t know what being a Christian actually meant or looked like. I went to church, I believed in God, and I could recite the Lord’s prayer, and that was the extent of it. Most of my childhood, I never took the time to get to know God.

Highschool

Fast forward to freshman year, when my dad passed away with cancer. I remember that night so clearly… We were faced with the choice of taking out his breathing tube and see if he would make it.

I was 14 years old and had never experienced death before. So in my immature brain, I thought I’d see him again soon. That death wasn’t that big of a deal. But little did I know that that night would be a night I would wrestle with for years to come. My choice to take the breathing tube out was made out of selfishness. I just wanted to go and hang out with my friends, (specifically a boy that I liked.)

I blamed myself for my dad’s death. I carried that weight on my shoulders for years. I couldn’t forgive myself for what I had done. That’s when the self-hate began.

I turned to anyone to numb the pain, friends, boys, and even girls. I just wanted to feel loved by someone. I wanted to feel wanted. I was what you’d describe as the ‘heartbreaker.’ Once I felt loved and wanted by someone, I would move on to the next person. When that wasn’t enough to numb the pain, I started to take pills. When I was 16 years old, my mom made the decision that we were going to move to Arizona. That’s when everything went more downhill than it already was.

I was not excited about leaving all my friends and my ways to escape the pain. Once I moved to Arizona, I felt so alone and started cutting and starving myself. Then once I started making friends, I turned to drugs again and began drinking. I was in a place of pure darkness and self-hatred that I didn’t think I could get back up. I had no hope. All I wanted was to die and would come up with ways I could kill myself.

But thankfully, I never attempted anything.

Seeds planted and watered

The summer after I graduated high school, I went to a National Youth Gathering with the church I grew up in. That’s where I learned who Jesus actually was and what He came here to do. I remember them asking us all to write down on a small piece of paper our biggest regret or something that we blame ourselves for or a weight that we carry with us. I wrote down how I blamed myself for my dad’s death. They took all the thousands of pieces of paper and dumped all of them at the foot of the cross that was on stage, and they lit them on fire. You could see all the piles of paper turn into ashes scattered at the foot of the cross.

That’s when I realized that I didn’t have to blame myself for my dad’s death anymore. Jesus took that to the cross with Him. Jesus forgives me, and I could forgive myself too.

But leaving this gathering, I went back to my self-hatred, sinful ways. I wasn’t willing to change my life for Jesus quite yet. But that seed was planted.

I started to grow more and more numb as time went on. About a year later, I went on a mission trip to Ecuador with the church I grew up in. That’s when I realized that there is way more to life than just me. Life is about serving others and doing something that matters. Leaving that mission’s trip, I knew that I needed to get plugged into a church when I went back to Arizona. I knew that I needed more of God in my life.

Then, God

Coming back to Arizona, I made excuses about going to church. I deeply desired to go, but my flesh kicked in and tried to stop me. But thankfully, God intervened. I took one step of faith after another, and that’s how I started going to church, getting involved in a young adult bible study and serving.

The first Sunday I went to church, I instantly went to a bible study that same day and then went to the young adult’s bible study 2 days later. And if you knew me at this point in my life, I didn’t go places alone. I suffered from anxiety, so going anywhere alone just didn’t happen. But I knew that these were steps I needed to take, and it was hard, but I leaned into God for help, and He was faithful to meet me where I was.

Once I started making friends at bible study and going weekly, I began to learn so much about Jesus and the Bible, and I got to see what real Christianity looked like. There was something so different about this group of people that I admired, and that was that they had Jesus in them. They lived their life honoring God and wanting to please Him in everything they did.

Growth

Through my young adult’s pastor challenging me and answering all my questions, I slowly started to grow in an actual relationship with God. I started making prayer and reading the bible apart of my everyday routine and not because I had to but because I genuinely wanted to. And through spending quality time with God and other godly people, slowly, God continued to weed out the sin in my life and transform my mind. It wasn’t overnight. It was a process that God was patient with me in. But that’s the beauty of it. God doesn’t say that you have to change everything before you come to him. It’s quite the opposite, actually. We run to him and then we’ll start to change.

The funny thing is that because of my grandma taking me to church when I was younger, I believed in God, and I would pray seldomly. There were even seasons of my life that I would read my bible. I felt God’s presence on occasion, but it was all surface level. I didn’t dig deep. I didn’t try to get to know God for who He was but only for what I could get from Him.

Now

Ever since fully surrendering my life to Jesus in 2014, God has radically transformed my life. I am a completely different person than I was back then. I live my life fully surrendered to God. And let me tell you, it’s a sweet surrender. It’s beautiful how God can take a mess of a story and turn it into a symphony.  It’s not a perfect symphony. I still miss notes sometimes, and every once in a while, I’ll even break a string. But God is always there to conduct me through the trials and help me to overcome.

I can’t imagine where I’d be or who I’d be if I didn’t open the door that Jesus was knocking at. By His grace, I am set free from who I was. I’m eternally thankful for a God who loves people SO much that He would send His Son to be the ultimate sacrifice for us so that we can spend forever with Him! And this is how Jesus changed my life.

Are you looking to get to know God on a more personal level? Read this post on how to start spending time with God.

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